Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Blueprint for a Restaurant

Here is how to break into the restaurant industry with minimal start-up costs and massive profits by offering cheap and healthy fast food targeted at lower-to-middle income people in the US.

First, choose a good spot in a good city. The ideal spot would be right between the blue-collar business district and the blue-collar residential district, so as to maximize visibility to the target customers. Next, design the world's simplest menu. For example: Rice, Chicken or Tofu gravy, Broccoli, Peas, Roles, Whole-grain roles, Stewed cinnamon apples, Chocolate chip cookies. Next, set the world's lowest prices: A big serving of rice plus a big role plus gravy plus a vegetable is just $2.50. Cookies are small and cost only 25 cents each, and half a stewed apple is 50 cents. Next, design specialized machinery that enables one technician (you) to churn out about ten thousand of these meals per day. Waste no money on advertising, but serve all meals for free until the level of business threatens to surpass your production capacity. Like Google, allow companies to pay to place advertisements throughout your restaurant and on your road-side billboard. Be as secretive about your existence as possible, so that people who find you feel proud of their discovery and bring all their friends. Maintain large, clean bathrooms. Do not install TVs or play music. Instead, softly play a continuous recording of polite applause, taken, for example, from an old Peter, Paul, and Mary live performance record. At the same time, play another soft recording of the bubbling/banging/frying sounds you would imagine a woman would make back in the fifties as she cooks in the kitchen.


Blogger current typist said...

By George, you've got it!

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

go back to school and learn how to spell rolls

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Dr. Perfection said...

to have a restaurant, it might be essential to know how to spell rolls

4:02 PM  

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