Dear Freakwenter

My parents died last year and left me $80,000. I would like to create a foundation in their memory. Do you have any recommendations for what the mission of such a foundation could be? My parents didn't seem to have an especially notable mission in life beyond raising the kids and doing well at whatever they were working on. Any ideas?

-Aimless in Africa

Dear Aimless,

First, I want to thank you for writing to me, since this is only the second time I have received mail. Consider the following facts. There are too many foundations already, something like 50,000 in the US alone. I refuse to consider the possibility that there exist 50,000 distinct and legitimate causes in the whole world. Therefore, please do waste your parent's money on a foundation. As for their memory, it is sooo almost over. They will be forgotten. Their memory is no longer theirs -- it's yours for you to digest and maybe share with some friends. Good grief, child. Here is something better to do with the money: buy some land and let it sit forever.

Sincerely,
The Freakwenter