If the Federal Reserve Chairman would get involved in a Scandal ...

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke today denied allegations that he was involved in some skanky hanky panky. Said Bernanke, "I care deeply about this swanky bank. The American people can rest assured that my actions have in no way defiled the position of confidence I am honored to hold ... and for that, they can thank me." Bernanke then dabbed his eyes with a hankie.