Friday, October 22, 2010

The theft of a paranoid mind

I ordered a mattress! Not just any old mattress, but a $380 Sarah Peyton 10-Inch Full Memory Foam Firm Support Mattress with 2 Contour Pillows from amazon. By the way, this is not a product review, because I don't have the mattress yet, but the mattress has fine reviews.

While I was buying things under free super-saver shipping, I threw in The Cartoon Guide to Genetics.

On Tuesday arriving home from work I checked my mail and found a little note from USPS saying they "missed" me and that they couldn't leave me my package. Woe was me! I wanted my mattress! I went online and filled out a little form to give them permission to leave me my mattress on the porch in my absence.

Wednesday I got home and still no sign of a mattress. But there was another package: The Cartoon Guide to Genetics, delivered by USPS. That's funny, I thought, I wonder how they decide how big a package has to be before they leave the note that says you have to be in person to sign for it. Because they sure didn't leave me a note making me sign for this package.

Wednesday night I called USPS and complained that they didn't honor my request to leave the mattress in my absence. The lady on the phone was helpful and re-entered the order for me, and also mentioned I could go to the post office to pick it up.

Thursday morning I drove to the post office and stood in line reading the Cartoon Guide to Genetics until I had my turn at the desk. Where's my mattress, I asked in so many words. The lady went back in the warehouse and returned after a few minutes. "The driver said they left it at your door," she said. Did you ask us to leave it while you were gone? Yes, I said, ashamed. I guess that's the way it goes I said, and she said I'm sorry.

I moped for a while and contemplated re-ordering the same mattress. I couldn't quite make myself do it. If I live in such a bad neighborhood, I reasoned, maybe it just doesn't make sense to have such a nice mattress. It sticks out to much. Of course people will steal it. I should just get an old bed-bug mattress off of Craigslist.

Friday night I went for the mail and I found this UPS note on my door, something about a mattress. I was massively confused. How did my mattress get transferred from USPS to UPS? After it was stolen? I looked up the tracking number from the little note on the UPS website, and sure enough, the package weighed 53lbs, which matched the description on amazon. It wasn't until I actually went back to my original order and pondered over a possible relationship between my mattress and The Cartoon Guide to Genetics that I just began to understand what had happened.

There is more evolving to be done.


Anonymous goodbadi said...

You're definitely my brother, and we definitely have the same mother!

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember your mother great with child prior to the birth of each of you!


6:24 PM  
Anonymous dr perfection said...

I have the same paranoid mind. I have learned to count to 100 and consider other possibilities. Wonder how I got this mind.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You relatives crack me up!

Aunt V.

12:41 PM  

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